In a World of B*tches, Be a Broad
Time to own up to your birthright, my sassy friends.
A Substack friend of mine referred to herself as a “broad” yesterday, and it awakened an awareness in me that I now need to awaken in you.
Broads know broads.
Before anyone starts screaming Patriarchy! or some other such exhausting thing, cool your heels. Not every woman is a broad. Not every woman wants to be. And contemporary men under the age of 82 aren’t prone to using the word anymore…
It’s ours, all ours. Broads own the term. And there’s really no other term like it.
A broad is a badass, no-nonsense, call-it-like-you-see it, no-time-for-your-bullsh*t, confident, intelligent woman. She’s comfortable in her own skin. She celebrates her wins and owns her faults. She’s the first to laugh at herself and probably also the first to laugh at you. A broad doesn’t suffer fools. She’s too busy with her own stuff––whatever stuff that happens to be (and it’s prolly none-ya-bidness).
Good luck Googling the definition of broad
You’ll get the usual adjective meanings, like wide and expansive. But, the actual slang has been all but stricken from the digital lexicon. Worse, dictionary.com actually has a “Sensitive Note” attached to it.
Are you fkg for real, Dictionary.com?
Not only is “broad” not a synonym for ho-bag as you seem to suggest, but why the actual hell would words need Sensitive Notes? Broads around the world are puking in their crossbody bags right now.
The AI bot on my other browser came up with this, which is much more in line with my thinking (emphasis mine):
The term was often associated with women who were seen as assertive, aggressive, or independent. It’s essential to note that the term “broad” has undergone significant changes in connotation and usage over time… [and] is now often used in a more neutral or even affectionate sense.
Affectionate. Yesss.
Nowadays, I see women using “bitch” in a similar way. It’s an attempt to convey something along the same lines, but it’s not quite there. I think “my bitches” is more akin to “my homies”, which is simply a way to categorize your pals regardless of whether they’re get-sh*t-done women or not. They could just be a gossipy clatch of whiny frappuccino sippers inspecting their gel pedis. Alternately, a bunch of broads is a formidable battalion of women you respect and need to earn your way into.
It’s nuanced, but there’s a vibe difference.
Other female pet names thrown around online don’t do it for me. In fact, some flat out annoy me. If you call me Queen or Babe, it makes the hair on my neck salute. Why do I hate it so much? Not sure. But unless I’m feeling especially altruistic, when your Queen/Babe communique lands in my inbox, there’s a nearly 100% chance of it getting deleted.
I can handle Lady and Chica if I know you. Mama happens and I don’t ruffle too much over it (unless I’m at a doctor’s appointment with my kid and they keep calling me “Mom”. You have my last name RIGHT THERE on the file. Call me Mrs. Hoffmann!)
Don’t call me Boss, unless I’m your boss, at which point I’d prefer you to call me Chief like Siri does (at the risk of being canceled by the Native American population for holding one of their terms in reverence).
If you go the Homegirl, Icon, or Baddie route, you should probably run.
But nothing, nothing raises my ire faster than someone calling me Diva. I’m not a diva. I actually rail against divas of all sorts unless they’re singing in an opera. Even then, I might not enjoy their eardrum-piercing arias, but at least I can respect their commitment to their art.
Diva. As if. That’s some insufferable Mariah Carrey nonsense, and I am not a fan.
The Broad Spectrum
I’ll take a gum-chewing, cuss-hurling, smartass broad with a goal and some gumption any day that ends in y. They don’t pussyfoot around your feelings and they aren’t going to apologize for their ambition. They’re kind, but not doormats. They’re feminine but can still squash a spider. They’ll wear stilettos if they want, but will also challenge you if you demand they must. But broads don’t have to be brash or abrasive. They can simply have a quiet strength and unshakeable fortitude, often with a healthy does of sarcasm.
Get a broad on your side and no one will more vigilantly protect your name when you’re not in the room.
In a world of bitches, be a broad.
**ANNOUNCEMENT**
To all you peri-, post- and menopausal broads out there, I have something new coming early 2025. It’s a paid community just for women “of a certain age” that will provide information, resources, interviews and, yes, my delightful commentary.
Be on the lookout. You’re going to want to invite a friend or two.
DM me now to be put on the announcement list so you don’t miss the early bird rate.
See. Men love broads too!
Hilarious. I’ve reclaimed Divas personally as ‘Salty Divas’ (the name of my Substack) gives it a twist. I’ve spent my whole life NOT being a diva and now, well, it’s time. Hoping I’m a broad too.